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Well you get up on a Sunday, taking it easy thinking I'll just pop home and visit my parents. The kind of thing you may well
have done at some point in your life. Its a long weekend so you may well stay over. Either way its a quick journey on a couple
of trains, taking no more than an hour. Oh yeah, who told you that? Things on the underground are pleasantly smooth, no problems
no huge queues for tickets. So that was a quick journey from St Johns Wood down to London Waterloo. The first sign off trouble
is when the departure board has the train to Worcester Park showing up at a strange time, and only 20 minutes before departure
but with no platform yet.
Well standing there looking up at the board now and again, I suddenly realised there was something a little strange going on,
I noticed that the train three slots along from mine had the same departure time, well hey what do you know. Then I look along
and find that six trains in total have the same departure time, woa somethings not right here. I then spot that the last five
actualy aren't going to be running from Waterloo, they're instructing people to change at Wimbledon. Well the first train
at 14:09 goes to Wimbledon, well thats what the board said anyway. 14:05 still no news, and then "BING BONG", HISS CRACKLE
POP, "The 14:09 to basingstoke is just passing through Clapham Junction and will arrive in 7 minutes, the platform will be
announced upon its arrival". The fun begins....
Looking around I noticed that several of the platform have notices up stating they are closed, cleverly the news messaging
system doesn't have the excuse so the message makes absolutely no sense when you read it. Good job we have a brain, they obviously
dont, otherwise no one would know what the fuck was going on. So you know what I can add up to, bet they can't, 14:13 (look
i gave the a minute extra), and the trains still not up there with a platform, suprise suprise. Start pacing now, getting
fed up hanging around, knew I should have stayed in bed. 14:16, oh quick its up, platform 10 "everyone run...before it leaves
us behind", yeah right no worries there. Stoll onto the platform the trains nowhere in site. "BING BONG"...ooh another announcement..."the
14:09 will be departing from platform 10", no shit. Look up at the sign on the platform and says it should be leaving at 14:19,
wicked. Well the train pulls in, now at this point I should have known it was going to get worse, it was a "slam door", well
no reason to slum it so go look for the first class carriage near the front. Train stops, oh look its 14:19 better jump on
quick.
Well I'm getting comfortable now sitting here in my nice chair, got my own lamp above my head, so turn that on. Get out the
laptop might as well do something useful while sitting on the train, only got 15 minutes or so before I get to Wimbledon though.
Finaly about 14:22 the train pulls out, and I am alone in my compartment. So of I go working away.....until we pull into Voxhaul.
Lots of people hanging about waiting for a train, naieve bunch though. They all think the first class needs a proper ticket,
may well have done but I dont care after the amount of crap so far to get where we are. No one gets in my carriage, but I
see this guy legging it down the platform, and he hops in the compartment next to mine. Oh did I forget to mention that before
we left there was an announcement telling us the train would be going to Voxhaul, Clapham and then Wimbledon.
Well the train left Voxhaul and arrived at Clapham Junction, at which point I thought I'd best put the laptop away and get
ready to change trains. Again people pile onto the train but at the back end. We leave and I am sitting there waiting for
the next stop, just thinking about things. It arrives, and there are bushes everywhere, and I am thinking this isn't right
Wimbledon doesn't have bushes. Then I see the name of the station, its Barnes, bloody Barnes where the hell is that. I'm sitting
there thinking we definitely didn't pass through Wimbledon so how come we are at Barnes. I was trying to remember where abouts
that is. Being British you just have to sit there thinking somethings gone wrong and it must be your fault. So five minutes
go by and I think maybe I didn't make a mistake someone else did. So I go out of the compartment onto the walkway and look
out the carriage window, and just as I do this the two other compartment doors next to mine open and people come out. The
first question from there lips, is this train going to Wimbledon, my response, "It bloody better be". There is some shouting
on the platform and people are told to get on the train. There hasn't been any announcement about what is going on, so we
are all still confused.
Do we jump off or stay on. Well frankly I had no idea where I was and wasn;t about to get stuck in the middle of nowhere. So
we all go back into our compartments and sit it out. We start of again, and eventualy go through another station, X, now this
definitely isn't right, this trains is going the wrong way. Next stop Richmond, well we have well and truely gone past Wimbledon
at this point and most of Greater London, we are out there. So all the heads come out of the compartments again. We discuss
the situation and conclude that this train has taken the wrong track and we are not mean to be here. Its been nearly an hour
and we are no where near Wimbledon. The train starts again at this point and we're off. There is a group of us standing in
the walkway trying to figure a)What happened? b)Are we likely to get run down by another train? c)Why has there been no announcement?
d)How do we get back? WE notice that have left the main set of tracks and are basicaly heading across country somewhere. We
have been going pretty slow through the last two stops and are crawling along again when we stop in the middle of nowhere.
Well I have had enough so I join another guy in his compartment, at least there is someone to talk to now,
We end up sitting here for about 20 minutes in themiddle of nowhere. I get fed up with this, what the hell is going on. I recon
either some moron hit the wrong switch and sent us the wrong way, or the driver ran a signal sending us the wrong way. It
would have been nice for someone to tell us. Well the train starts moving again, and we end up going through Twickenham, at
last somewhere I recognise. We are heading back towards Wimbledon and the rest of London at this point. Strawberry hill, and
the Teddington. Well its now one and a quarter hours since we left Waterloo, and we have been having a nice old discussion
about how unbelievable this is. And whether a news paper would be interested in the story. Well we stop of next at Norbiton,
and then we get to New Malden. Now do I get of here and risk it, or just sit tight. Well hey I have come this far might as
well wait it out. Hey maybe they will have something nice for us at Wimbledon for all the trouble they caused. So the trains
starts of again and we end up in Raynes Park. Here we end up for another 15 minutes waiting for a signal to change. Some more
people join our little party, including a lady that had been with us earlier. She comes back to tell us that the back of the
train is completely packed, with no room left. And that the guard has nearly been linched, unfortunately noone had any rope.
Well there are load of people with their heads out of the windows at this point, so I join them to take a photo. There is
nothing on the tracks, in either direction and there are about 8 sets of tracks here. This is stupid, we have been sitting
here, there is nothing else on the tracks and we aren't moving. We then start off again, how close canwe get this time.
Well we get about 100 meters from the end of the platform and then stop. We can see the train in front at the platform. Still
nothing has passed us in either direction on the tracks. What the hell are they playing at we haven't heard a word. We sit
on the tracks here for nearly another 25 minutes, still with no word, and no idea of whats going on. Finaly we move of and
enter the platform. We pull into the station and there is noone to explain what has happened, no appology nothing. Not even
a soding drink after being on a train for nearly two hours. We all get off at this point, and those that can, leave the station
for a quick way home. I hang around hoping for a punch up to start so I can get a good photo, something good has to come out
of this mess. No such luck, and even worse the next train for Worcester Park isn't until 16:40. This really takes the piss.
They only had two platforms open, and now they put the next train on one of the closed platforms, and of course the muppets
on duty will not let anyone on it. That is until the driver comes along and tells them. We get down on the platform and the
train pulls in, the driver confirming this train goes to Worcester Park. I then chime in asking, "Yeah but how long is it
going to take?", he laughs and says "No problem, 20 minutes". Well we made it in the end, took 30 minutes, but hey better
the 2 hours instead of 15 minutes.
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